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Buster's Breathless

Introduction[]

(In the park, Arthur and Buster crawl through high grass with butterfly nets.)

Arthur: Shh! We're hunting the dangerous snig!

Buster: It has big horns, and it makes a terrifying sound, like this: Aroo.

Arthur: And it's really hard to find because it blends in with the trees.

D.W. (as snig): Aroo! Aroo!

Buster: I hear it! I hear it! This way!

(They run towards the sound and discover D.W. with two antler like sticks attached to a headband.)

D.W. (as snig): Aroo! Aroo!...

Arthur: (groans)

D.W. (as snig): Aroo.

Arthur: D.W., you're not camouflaged at all! It's supposed to be hard to see you.

Buster: And the Aroo has to be much scarier, like this: Aroo!

D.W.: Okay, okay.

(D.W. camouflages herself by sticking some leaves on her clothes.)

D.W.: Why do I always have to play the snig? Why can't one of them be the snig for a change? There, that should do it.

(Arthur and Buster crawl through the high grass again.)

Arthur: Once again, we're hunting the dangerous snig.

Buster: It has big horns, and...

Arthur: They know that, Buster.

D.W. (as snig): Aroo!

Buster: (gasps) I hear it!

Arthur: Let's go!

(They run to the grass where D.W. is.)

D.W.: Roar!!

Arthur+Buster: Augh!

Buster: Oh no!

Arthur: D.W., you're wearing... Aughhhh!

Buster: Poison ivy!

(The boys run away.)

D.W.: Poison ivy? I thought we were playing dangerous snig.

(The boys run and D.W. runs after them.)

Arthur: Aughhh!!

D.W.: Arthur, you can't keep changing games! Wait up!

Title Card: Buster Roars (Lion)[]

(That evening, Arthur flosses his teeth while sitting on the bathtub rim, while D.W. stands in front of the mirror, covered in red spots.)

D.W.: It itches, Mommy, it itches!

Mrs. Read: This calamine lotion will help, honey.

(She applies some lotion. D.W. looks at her face in the mirror.)

D.W.: Look at me, everyone's gonna run away from me.

Arthur: No they won't, D.W.

D.W.: You and Buster did.

Mrs. Read: It'll go away, D.W. The important thing is not to scratch. Arthur will help distract you.

Arthur: I will?

***

(The next morning, Arthur accompanies D.W. D.W. is wearing a hockey mask like Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th and oven mitts.)

Arthur: D.W., do you have to wear my hockey mask?

D.W.: If people can't see me, they won't run away.

***

(Arthur and D.W. enter the Sugar Bowl where Buster is sitting at a table.)

Buster: Hi, Arthur! Hi, D.W.!

D.W.: I'm not D.W. I'm... uh... Otis.

Buster: Why do you have a hockey mask on, uh... Otis?

D.W.: I don't wanna get hit in the face with a puck. You got a problem with that?!

(Arthur whispers to Buster.)

Arthur: She's got poison ivy, and she thinks people will run away from her. I'm supposed to make her feel better.

Buster: Oh. Hey, Arthur, remember back in the fall when I had that really bad cough?

Arthur: What cough?

Buster: You know, the cough that started everything?

***

(Flashback: Arthur and Buster sit in the treehouse with a stack of books while it rains.)

Buster: (coughs)

Arthur: Check out these old joke books I found in the basement.

(Buster opens a book and there is a cloud of dust.)

Buster: (coughs) Hey, what did the banana say to the hippo?

Arthur: What?

Buster: Nothing, bananas don't talk.

Arthur+Buster: (laugh)

Buster: (coughs badly)

Arthur: Buster, are you okay?

Buster: Having...trouble...breathing.

(The flashback ends.)

Buster: I didn't know what was wrong with me. It felt like I was trying to breathe through a straw.

D.W.: So? I can breathe through a straw.

(D.W. takes a straw from her drink and breathes through it.)

Buster: A straw that's clogged. Allow me to demonstrate.

(He takes D.W.’s milkshake and drinks it empty.)

Buster: Ah... See? You can imagine how hard it is to breathe through a straw full of milkshake.

D.W.: No, I can't. I don't have any milkshake left!

Arthur: I remember that day. Your mom came and took you to the doctor's right away!

***

(The following scenes are flashbacks: Bitzi Baxter drives away from the Read house with Buster in the backseat. Arthur and his dad stand at the door.)

Buster: (coughs)

Arthur: This is all my fault!

Mr. Read: How could it be your fault?

Arthur: It's because I showed him those dirty books! That's what made him sick! I just know it!

(He runs back inside.)

***

(Buster sits in the doctor’s office and breathes through an oxygen mask.)

Doctor: The dust and mold from the old joke book made it hard for you to breathe because you have asthma.

Buster: Asthma? Does this mean I can't read books anymore, or tell jokes, or laugh?

Doctor: Don't worry, Buster. If you take your medicine, you can do all the things you like.

(She hands him an inhaler.)

Buster (narrator): It didn't seem like such a big deal... to me.

***

(In the school library, Arthur talks to Francine and Binky.)

Arthur: If he gets even one little bit of dust up his nose, he can't breathe! It could happen anytime!

Francine: Is asthma contagious? Shh. Here he is.

(Buster joins them.)

Buster: Hi, guys.

Arthur: Hi, Buster. Here, let me take those for you.

(He takes Buster’s book and wipes it with a handkerchief.)

Arthur: There you go, buddy, all clean now!

Buster: Uh... thanks.

(Arthur and Francine look at Buster with nervous grins.)

Francine: Has anyone seen my penicillin...? I mean, pencil and pen.

(She leaves.)

Binky: So, Buster, if your asthma goes off do you get to leave class?

Buster: Uh, maybe. Just to get my medicine.

Binky: Just to get your... medicine? He winks. I bet that could take a long time.

Buster: Uh...

***

(Buster, Arthur, Francine and Binky walk along a corridor.)

Buster: I'll see you guys in the cafeteria. I have to go to the nurse's office.

(He leaves.)

Arthur: Why does he have to go there?

Francine: Maybe they're gonna move him to a special school for sick kids.

Binky: He's probably faking it to go home early.

(They look through the door window and see the nurse give Buster an inhaler.)

Binky: See, I knew he was faking it. He's just playing the kazoo.

Arthur: That's his inhaler. He's taking medicine to help him breathe.

(Buster opens the door and the three kids fall into the room. Arthur looses his glasses.)

Kids: Oof!

Buster: What are you guys doing here?

(He hands Arthur his glasses.)

Arthur: You found my glasses! We were just looking for them. (nervous laugh) Now we can all go to lunch.

(The three leave.)

***

(Arthur and Buster stand at the cafeteria counter.)

Arthur: Watch out, Buster!

(He blows powder sugar off a donut.)

Arthur: Here you go. It's safe now.

***

(At recess, Buster swings on the jungle gym. Sue Ellen runs by with a soccer ball.)

Sue Ellen: (giggles)

(Binky crawls on the floor.)

Binky: (gasps for breath) Can't breathe! Tell the nurse! I think I have plasma!

Buster: Don't you mean "asthma," Binky?

(Buster looks annoyed. Binky looks sheepish and gets up.)

Binky: Oh, stupid word. Too many consonants all smooshed together!

***

(The kids play basketball. Buster gets a hit. Francine gets the ball, but drops it as Buster approaches a base.)

Buster: (gasps) Why did you do that? You had me out.

Francine: It was an accident.

Buster: No, it wasn't! I saw you drop the ball on purpose.

(Francine stares at him. In her imagination, green fumes come out of his mouth.)

Buster: What's wrong? Are you okay?

Francine: Stay away! Stay away!

(She runs away. Buster looks sad.)

***

(Buster watches from a window as the other kids continue the game. Francine tags Sue Ellen.)

Sue Ellen: Oh!

Francine: Gotcha!

(The nurse gives Buster a new inhaler.)

***

(Buster talks to Arthur, Francine and Binky in the classroom.)

Buster: Guess what? I'm cured!

Arthur: Really? Are you sure?

Buster: Sure I'm sure. Could I do this if I had asthma?

(He picks up a book and inhales deeply.)

Buster: Ahh... math.

Arthur: But that's not an old book.

Buster: Yeah, but it must have some dust in it. I've never opened it.

Binky: So you don't have to use that kazoo anymore?

Buster: Nope.

Francine: Well, I'm glad that's over. Now I don't have to worry about catching asthma.

Buster: Hm...

***

(Arthur, Buster, Francine and Binky walk past the nurse’s office. Buster stops.)

Arthur: What is it, Buster?

Buster: Uh...

(He sees the nurse through the window with an inhaler.)

Francine: It's Boston cream pie today. If we don't hurry, it'll all be gone.

Buster: Yeah, pie... Let's get that pie!

(He follows the others.)

***

(The kids play hockey using brooms and a soccer ball.)

Kids: (yell)

(Binky tries to block Arthur and there is a lot of dust.)

Buster: Over here, I'm open! He gets the ball and scores. (pants) Hooray! (coughs) That's one... (coughs) ...to nothing... (coughs) ...Binky.

Arthur: Are you okay, Buster? Maybe I should go get the nurse.

Buster: (gasps for breath) I'm fine... Just need a glass of water.... That's all...

***

(Buster uses an inhaler in the nurse’s office.)

Buster: (inhales) Ahh... that's much better.

Nurse: It's important to take your medicine. Why'd you skip your appointment?

Buster: I don't know. I didn't want my friends to know about it. They've been treating me really weird.

Nurse: Do you think maybe they don't understand?

Buster: Maybe... maybe that's it.

***

(George stands in front of the class and rubs two balloons on his shirt. Then he sticks them on his antlers.)

George: And that's an example of static electricity. Thank you.

(The others clap. Buster walks to the front.)

Buster: My science report is about asthma. But first, I need you to imagine that you're very, very small.

(The others look at him.)

Buster: You're not imagining it! I really want you to imagine it.

(The others close their eyes. In their imagination, they shrink on their chairs until they are about three inches tall.)

Buster: Very good. Now I want you all up my nose on the double! (inhales deeply)

Kids: Whoa!

(The kids fly into his nostrils and find themselves on a rim in the trachea. Buster appears hovering in the air, dressed like a museum guide.)

Buster: Watch your step. No flash photography, please.

Binky: I don't think I've ever been in anyone's lungs before.

George (from a distance): Help, I'm stuck in some pie!

Buster: Oh, no! George went down the wrong way! He's in my stomach!

(He flies up and retrieves George, whose legs are covered with yellow goo.)

George: Yuck! Custard pie.

Buster: Stick with the group, George. You could get lost in here!

(The kids are now in the bronchia.)

Francine: Is this where the asthma is? Is it a giant bug that'll attack us?

Buster: No, no, asthma is just a word for what happens to my lungs when I breathe in dust or mold, like this.

(Some dust flies by. The floor on which Buster stands starts rising.)

Buster: See, the walls are getting smaller! This is when I usually start to cough! Hold on!

(A deep coughing noise sends the kids flying upwards.)

Kids: (scream)

(Buster coughs. The tiny kids fly into the classroom and return to normal size.)

The fantasy ends.

Arthur: Boy, he sure is a good storyteller. That felt so real!

George: Ugh!

(His legs are still covered in custard. Francine raises her hand.)

Buster: And asthma is not contagious.

(Francine lowers her hand.)

Buster: Any questions?

Binky: Are you trying to tell us something?

Buster: Yeah, I'm still the same old Buster. I just have asthma... like I have big ears.

(The kids clap. Binky takes notes.)

Binky: "Same old Buster..." "Big ears." Oh-ho. I'm gonna ace this test.

***

(The flashbacks end. Buster sits in the Sugar Bowl with Arthur and D.W.)

Buster: Once they understood it, it wasn't such a big deal anymore.

D.W.: Hey, I bet if someone's afraid of my poison ivy, I should just explain it.

(Buster nods. D.W. removes her mask.)

Buster: Hey, you're not Otis, you're D.W.!

D.W.: Heh heh. Sorry I had to fool you.

(The Tibbles stand beside their table.)

Timmy: (gasps) Look, Tommy! D.W.'s got the chicken poxes!

D.W.: No, I don't, it's just poison ivy. It's no big deal.

(The Tibbles walk backwards.)

Tommy: Don't come any closer! We'll catch it!

D.W.: No, you won't. I'll tell l about it. Then you'll understand.

(The Tibbles run out of the Sugar Bowl, pursued by D.W.)

Timmy+Tommy: No! (scream)

D.W.: Come back here and let me make you smarter! I got it from a plant, and it'll be gone in a couple of days and the white stuff's called Calamine lotion. Hey, wait up, there's more!

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