[Lively Music Playing]

Narrator: Who is candy canes and Mary Janes? That Miss Muffy! Fresh baguettes and big barrettes, that Miss Muffy! She's dainty lace on a dress. She's frilly… funny… fancy finesse! Who is Valentines and hair that shines? That Miss Muffy! Silver skates and candied dates, That Miss Muffy! She’s peachy icing on a bundt cake! Oh, we love her so, see her now look out, world! Holy cow! Hold on tight if you thought you were so sweet, Because Miss Muffy, That Miss Muffy’s got you beat!

Muffy Goes Metropolitan

Written by Matthew Lane - Storyboard by Jeremy O'Neill

Lakewood Cafeteria

  • Buster: I figured out what happiness is!
  • Francine: Yeah. What is it?
  • Buster: Happiness is pizza on a Friday right before a three day weekend.
  • Francine: You can say that again. Three days of tree climbing, soccer, whatever we like! And then when Sunday comes, it feels like Saturday.
  • Arthur: Easy for you to say. D.W.'s got me down for six games of Tower of Cows, four games of Box of Rocks, and a tournament championship of Virtual Goose.
  • Sue Ellen: My dad is going to a conference in Crown City and he's taking me with him.
  • Muffy: Crown City? As in the glamorous gleaming Crown City?
  • Sue Ellen: Yup, that's the one.
  • Francine: [singing] Crown City you're dynamite, you're peaches and cream, try your luck fair kid Crown City! Crown City! You're one heck of a diamond by the sea!
  • Everybody: [laughing]
  • Sue Ellen: The best part is we're gonna stay with Carla, my old sitter. She's so cool.
  • Francine: Crown City's great. My dad goes there for his sanitation engineers convention every year.
  • Arthur: My mom took us to the museum of science there.
  • Buster: I was in a pie eating contest at the Mayor's house.
  • Sue Ellen: How about you Muffy?
  • Muffy: Uhhh sure. Don't be silly. I've been to Europe and to the Caribbean and to Crown City lots of times.
  • [bell rings]

In the Lakewood art classroom

  • Muffy: [whistling Crown City song]
  • [Sue Ellen is washing her hands]
  • Muffy: Y'know, as I clean these paint brushes I can't help but think of life in Crown City.
  • Sue Ellen: Yeah? How's that?
  • Muffy: Well, I imagine there must be tons of galleries there.
  • Sue Ellen: You imagine. I thought you said you've been to the city lots of times.
  • Muffy: Well, I have. Just not recently. Yes, it's been so long it just feels like I've never been. Oh, I would just love to return to be beautiful Crown City by the sea.
  • Sue Ellen: My dad did say I could bring a friend..
  • Muffy: Fantastic! Oh, we'll have such fun. There's stores, and restaurants, horse-drawn carriages, and room service, and vallet parking, gingerell with maraschino cherries..
  • Sue Ellen: It's not gonna be like that..

Crosswires' Mansion

  • Mr. Armstrong: You did tell her this was just a three day trip, right?
  • Sue Ellen: I thought so...
  • Muffy: As you can see, I've made a fabulous list for the trip. We'll start with a fancy dinner, next comes a shopping spree, and then onto a tasteful cultural event. Perhaps an art exhibit, or the opera.

On the way to Crown City

  • Muffy: [singing] Crown City! One heck of a diamond by the seaaaaaaaaaa! Crown City you're dynamite you're peaches and cream
  • Sue Ellen: Hey Muffy look, we're heading into the city now!
  • Muffy: Oooh so high class. Does Carla live in a penthouse?
  • Mr. Armstrong: Not exactly.

Sue Ellen and Muffy get out of the car

  • Muffy: Was that woman by the fire hydrant selling soap?
  • Carla: Yes, she was. And she makes a wonderful ginger oatmeal and seaweed bar that's great for exfoliating.
  • Muffy: Nothing but camille and verdina touch my skin.
  • Carla: [shaking hands with Muffy] You must be Mifi.
  • Muffy: It's Muffy...
  • Carla: [hugging Mr. Armstrong and Sue Ellen] It's so good to see you back in the neighborhood. Is everybody hungry? Shall we go out to dinner?
  • Muffy: I hear the International Fusion Cuisine in Crown City is magnificent. Perhaps we should try-
  • Mr. Armstrong: How about that cool little Ethiopian place by the firehouse? What's it called?
  • Sue Ellen: Abbis Ababa. Let's go!

Addis Ababa

  • [everybody is eating with their hands]
  • Muffy: Are you sure they don't have silverware here?
  • Mr. Armstrong: Nope. Just these. [shows hands] Isn't it fun?
  • Muffy: But.. where are the different waiters? There's supposed to be one to sweep up the crumbs, one to unfold the napkins, one to- 
  • [The waiter they previously had places more bread tortillas on the table making Muffy gasp]

Carla's apartment

  • Sue Ellen: Sorry dinner was a let-down Muffy.
  • Muffy: Well, tonight may have been a flop, but tomorrow's going to be glorious..

Muffy's Daydream

  • Everybody: It's Crosswire!
  • Guy: THE Muffy Crosswire?
  • [Muffy tries on different outfits]
  • Cashier: I'm sorry miss, but your credit card company is reporting that-
  • Muffy: [gasp]
  • Cashier: You must spend more!

Carla's apartment

  • Sue Ellen: Don't worry. You're gonna love the shopping we're gonna do tomorrow.

Crown City

  • [At a fish stand]
  • Muffy: This wasn't what I- [fish almosts hits her] Ahh!
  • Muffy: This wasn't what I had in [almost gets hit with a fish again] whoah!
  • Muffy: This WASN'T what I had in mind! Where are the jewelry cases? And the lady spraying Persian perfume?
  • Carla: I promise we'll stop at a botique or two. As soon as I find a good ripe turban squash.

Little Lady Dollar Mart

  • Muffy: What do you mean nothing costs more than a dollar? Plastic earings? Plastic may be alright for the cap on a bottle of diet soda, but on my ears? Honestly!
  • Sue Ellen: Muffy! I found some squeezable glitter paints for decorating jeans and shirts.
  • Carla: [shows a cowskin beret] Ah Muffy now this, this is you. It's very chique.
  • Muffy: Cow is not my color and fake fur is way passé. Hm.
  • Carla: Well, suit yourself.
  • Muffy: Mhmmm...

Hot Dog Stand

  • Sue Ellen: One foot long, extra sauerkraut, hold the relish.
  • Muffy: [talking to Carla] So will we be dabbling in high culture tonight?
  • Carla: A super thick cheesesteak, double the peppers, and burn the onions.
  • Muffy: Maybe the ballet, or the opera...
  • Carla: Oh, there's all sorts of art at the Renae's.
  • Muffy: The Renae's? Ooh, it sounds French.
  • Sue Ellen: Quick Muffy, what do you want?
  • Muffy: [ordering] Uhhh.. Poulet au beurre noir... hold the beurre noir

Carla's apartment

  • Muffy: An evening at Renae's... I imagine Renae's as anyone who's anyone goes.

Muffy's Fantasy

  • [Muffy imagine's Ranae's as a popular art gallery]
  • Muffy: [looking at paintings of herself] Yes, it captures my angst. But this one's my favorite. It's an Andy Warthog.
  • Andy Warthog: I'm so glad you like it M.
  • Muffy: I do. I really really do. No offense, Keith.
  • [Warthog shows Muffy a cracker on a plate.]
  • Andy Warthog: What do you think of my latest piece?
  • Muffy: Intriguing. What do you call it?
  • Andy Warthog: Broken cracker on a plate.

Carla's apartment

  • Carla: Girls, are you ready? Renae's awaits.


  • [Renae's turns out to be a poetry club. A rather dirty one, also.]
  • Poetry Narrator: So let's take a riboflavin ride on a chartreuse kaboose..
  • Muffy: What's going on?
  • Sue Ellen: [whispering] It's a poetry slam.
  • Carla: Anyone who wants to gets to make up a poem and everyone here will listen.
  • Poetry Narrator: A blue you voodoo that you do
  • Muffy: These people are weirdos! And this trip has been the worst of my entire life!
  • Sue Ellen: Oh look! There's a table.
  • Muffy: [gasp] Eww! Gross! Gum!
  • Muffy: I can't take it any longer! Look at my dress. The skirt is ruined! Look at my hair. The ends are split. Where am I? No ritz[Spelling unknown], no glitz, no silverware, big, wet, fish fly past my face! It's all wrong! Crown City you're NOT dynamite, you're NOT peaches and cream, I just wanna go home!
  • [Everybody claps]

The Streets of Crown City

  • Muffy: It's tragic! It's racchid! I am undone..
  • [As Muffy walks over a grate, her shoe slips off]
  • Sue Ellen: Muffy your-
  • Muffy: No. Leave it. I'll hop. You do realize if I was not so weak I would absolutely refuse to go down here.

Crown City Subway

  • [Saxophone Playing Jazzy Tune]
  • Muffy: This is the subway?
  • Carla: They're not all like this, but this was the first station ever built.
  • Sue Ellen: It was completed in 1903.
  • Muffy: I had no idea.
  • [Playing Jazzy Tune]
  • Muffy: They play so well.
  • [Sniffs]
  • Muffy: What is that smell?
  • Sue Ellen: Probably oil and yes, Muffy, garbage.
  • Muffy: No, not that, THAT.
  • Carla: Crown City's famous for its pretzels. The ones with the cheese inside are my favorite.
  • [Ballerinas get off of the train]
  • Muffy: Those ballerinas.. they're so....
  • Carla: In a hurry, apparently.
  • Muffy: The train's leaving.
  • Sue Ellen: Don't worry Muffy. There'll be another one.
  • Muffy: C-C-S-O. That must be the Crown City Symphony and Orchestra. "Moonlight Lantern Parade May 25" that's today! I mean tonight! That's right now!
  • Carla: So it is. Do you think we could?-
  • Carla: If we catch the next train we can be there in a flash.
  • Muffy: Excellent. Oh, and I've got just the right look.
  • [Puts on the fake cowskin hat]
  • Muffy: Is it me?
  • Sue Ellen and Carla: Definitely.
  • Muffy: And now I shall buy the fattest most doughey pretzel Crown City has to offer. With extra cheese of course. Won't you join me?
  • [Music Playing]

Crown City

  • Crown City, you're dynamite, you're peaches and cream! Try your luck, fair kid, Crown City!
  • Everybody: Crown City! One heck of a diamond by the seaaaaa!


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